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Immunity Challenge #16 + Announcement

on Wed Oct 25, 2017 9:09 pm
Matthew, Mega, Nika, Tim. Congrats on reaching the Final 4. All of you have endured countless tribal councils and managed to outlast everyone else.

But the game isn't over yet.

Two of you will be joining the jury.

Because this season, only two of you will be attending the final tribal council.

Now that you've taken that in, time to reveal the second-to-last immunity challenge.

You will be writing rites of passage, but not just any rites of passage... ROASTS OF PASSAGE.

That's right, you will be roasting the seventeen eliminated players. They are:

Destiny
Andy
Jay
Danielle
Jacob
Rockey
Sea
Joseph
Fox
Nelson
Evan
Junior
Ethan
Doh
Will
Leo
Harry

You may skip over the people you never met if you wish to do so.

I will be judging the roasts mostly based on spiciness, humor and overall creativity.

To get an idea of what your roasts can look like, here is a compilation of roasts from Survivor: Phoenix Islands and Survivor: Japan.

Survivor: Phoenix Islands Roasts:

Bear's Roasts (He won the challenge):

Nick: your vote was easy because you never really showed up.
Shuffles notes
Oh no! I’m sorry! I mixed you up with Aztec!

Owen: After you left we all started to get along much better. I’m sure that’s not the first time you’ve heard that.

Rafael: Rafael is a huge fan of The Amazing Race, so I’ll put this roast in terms he can understand. Raf, seems like the biggest Roadblock you had to go up against was your own inactivity. If I could U-turn and do it again, I would vote the same way.

Adam: I put as much effort into this joke as Adam put into this ORG

Ryan: Ryan, much like the question “who was the most forgettable?”, it was a choice between you and Aztec.

Emiko: Emiko and I played a similar game. We made strong allies on our tribe, we didn’t make a lot of big moves, and we got where we are today because of a dumbass move by Trent.

Keith: You know we all missed Keith after he left. When he was in the game, we called you The Supermarket, because you were always around, you made great deals, and you had a big sign on your face that read “Target”.

Saish:  If I ever have a barbeque, Saish is definitely invited. He’s the expert on flipping a flaming piece of ass from one side to the other.

Trent: Trent, we ended up on separate sides. There was so much anger between us this game. I feel awful about that, so I decided to not roast you, but instead write a poem for you, I hope you like it.
Bakoa is Red,
Violets are blue,
You may think I’m petty,
But at least I’m not you

Aztec: Playing with Aztec is like playing chess. You have to worry about the next five moves in the game, not just the piece in front of you. But also like in chess, a single pawn can’t do anything at the end.

Bailey's Roasts:

Abi: You know... I was going to roast you but you were never around long enough for me to know what to make fun of
Starry: Maybe you should just keep your heads out of the clouds nextime. You might be able to avoid an unanimous vote
Adam: I PROMISE I WILL BE ACTIVE I SWEAR!!! self votes due to inactivity
Emiko: We were allies since day one... you still weren't worth my idol though
Keith: This is called Survivor not Friends tell the truth. Maybe next time you won't be so trusting of someone who's against you
Saish: Too bad you can't cheat at a rock draw. I would've been fucked
Trent: Extra Extra read all about it. Man sells me out and expects my trust for the rest of the game for some reason
Aztec: Roses are Red, Violets are blue, You were inactive, So I voted for you

Jake's Roasts:

14. Abi

Abi, Abi, Abi, can’t you see
you didn’t make jury cause you didn't talk to me

13. Starry
Twinkle twinkle little starry, how i wonder where you are-y
You started out the game so high, like a diamond in the sky
Twinkle twinkle little starry, how you wish you made the jury

11. Adam
Adam you got caught in the minority
You’re game never had authority
You acted like superiority
Unfortunately for you, voting out inactives was a priority

10. Ryan

Ryan, I didn’t know too much about you
Getting tribe-fucked must have blew.
The old Bakoa’s showed you the door,
maybe it was something simple - like the glasses you wore?

9. Emiko
Emiko, in week 3 you asked to be voted out
If you asked me then I wouldn’t of had a doubt.
You were always listening to a loud rock tune
Maybe you should’ve worked on becoming immune.


8. Keith
Keith, my man, you thought you were running the game,
although you only have yourself to blame.
You and Keith Nale might share a first name,
But in this case, you really put it to shame.

7. Saish
Saish, you’re game was a bit rocky.
You had no allies, maybe you should’ve been a bit more “talky.”
You just had to cheat at online survivor,
I guess that’s where your game really took a diver.
It’s ironic that the game you tried to manipulate,
ended up being what sold your fate.

6. Trent

Trent, man, what can I say
You had Final Two deals with everyone, it threw your trust away.
You were pretty salty when you got voted out,
You couldn’t leave Tribal Council without showing a pout.
You played a good game,
I wouldn’t have done it the same.
But you lied too much, so that’s why I wrote down your name.

5. Aztec
Aztec, you had to be the only ever circumstance,
Where the flip vote got voted out; no chance.
You had the whole game to pick a side
instead you just laid down and died.
I have to say, you made it pretty far,
But somehow being such a goat put you on the radar.

Atkins' Roasts:

Emiko is only what, like 13? Nice kid, but I guess his seventh grade class hasn't taught sarcasm yet?

We're saying: "Aztec, keep guessing buddy! It doesn't matter if you get it wrong, just answer ASAP!"

Emiko: "OMGGGG guys stop it XD. Aztec is soOoOoO smart! He wouldn't lose us the challenge! XD. I'll be back guys I need to do my fifteen minutes of arithmetic homework XD!"

Sure Emiko is young, but I will compliment their parental instincts. They're the type of person to encourage you about anything.

Me: "Emiko, did you see me dunking in my prof pic?"

Emiko: "Oh M Gee YES!!!! XD. You can be in the NBA!!!"

Me: "Emiko, I'm a skinny white boy, I'm not going to the NBA."

Emiko: "XD YES YOU CAN XD!! You can do anything you set your mind to!!!!
Keith is a very serious young man. You know the meme where the kid says: "Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy?" This is Keith's response to any question, and he's very serious about it.

Me: "Keith what's the vote tonight"

Keith: "Wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy?"

Keith said this so much that Saish lost all faith, and that is why Keith was blindsided
Can't say anything bad about Saish. He played a clean game, never cheated, never did anything strategic, and, overall, he really rocked(edited)
Trent: worst liar I've ever seen

Also Trent: Lies more than anyone

"Oh hey, you just flipped on me? I trust you so much, here's this idol that  you know is fake, but I'm going to insist is real anyway. Maybe if I keep giving you awful lies, you'll side with me! Oh, here's another one. Hey everyone, I'm only at 22 points with just 15 minutes left!"

15 mins later

"Wow I guess I'm just lucky, I got to 74!!!"

I legit calculated that lie and Trent would have had to do 135 lock tics per minute. Why would he lie about such a useless thing?

It's fitting that Trent had Ozzy as his profile pic, because, just like Ozzy, he only had a physical game
I heard Aztec was in about 3 games and hosting another one. He should probably try to cut down so he stops giving a quarter of effort into each. My man takes 5 hours to respond at a time. Also, Aztec gave away his necklace, and was lucky that Drew bailed him out.
Also, I believe Troyzan was actually on our season, he went under the alias "Adam." He actually participated more on this ORG than he did in GC, but both performances were pretty similar. You see him a lot night 1, then he's just gone.

Survivor: Japan Roasts

Since Isaac quit mid-challenge and Anthony did not submit, only Nick and Shane submitted roasts.

Nick's Roasts (Would have won immunity if not for Isaac quitting)

Cullan, you're the strategic equivelant of Edward Cullen, y'know, that sparkly f***er from twilight? like c'mon man, first boot? that's all there is to say about you.

Zach, like the babadook, you're a hideous, scary, and possibly nonexistent creature. your game was the survivor equivelant of E.T for the atari, but worse.

Mikey, Mikey mikey mikey, mikey. I'm surprised you were out so early, usually people carry you around to merge because of just how bad at playing you are. You've got as much awareness of the game as a blind nascar driver, just with more crashing and burning.

Eziyah....who was that again? seriously, I'm struggling to remember.

Jackson, you're like Samuel L. Jackson in deep blue sea, eliminated early on, the difference between you and he is that Samuel Jackson is a rich, good looking, succesful celebrity.  You're a random premerge boot that nobody remembers.

Brendan, I will give credit where credit is due, you did try to play the game, you failed miserably, but you gave it a good shot, you know what else you gave a good shot? Your school, you were an early merge boot for an oversized foot.

Dexter, you might as well be blind because you did not see that obvious boot coming, you know that show, Dexter? while you're clearly a serial killer, you're neither smart nor charming. there's a cartoon called "Dexter's Laboratory" well, your base of operations is probably the lavoratory.

Jess, be careful, the government might want to look into you for being able to float, you were out of the loop this entire game and nobody was upset when you were booted.

Pie, your name "pie" is rather fitting, considering you're a 3.141/10, you did the alphabet strategy and were less succesful than Dr.sean, nuff said. we're making alphabet soup

T-dog, you were brought back from the game, but it didn't do you much good, your name is also rather accurate, considering you're big and stupid. not even a second chance could save you from a blindside, musta been from above.

Shane's Roasts:

Cul: threatening a redemption return is pretty cool. If only you could actually win a comp to back up the talk
Eziyah: "me - what's up. You - a Disney/Pixar movie, a direction, North" thank all the fucking gods that you and your dad jokes left not soon enough
Jackson: who?
Brendan: "Brendan: very good at talking strategy. Fucking awful at casting votes"
Dexter: I mean getting blindsided with two idols in your pocket is pretty bad. But not using either when you know the numbers are against you is even worse!
Jessica: they're called PMs and they are meant to be fucking responded to
Pie: even Dr. Sean Kenniff couldn't revive your game. I've got three alphabet letters describing your merge game: DOA
T-Dog: maybe you would've gone farther if you could've cared just a teeny weeny bit LESS than you already didn't

The person with the best roasts will win immunity and a one-in-three shot of winning the game. Roasts are due at 9PM EST, you may edit your roasts at any time.
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